Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
