well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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