Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
