I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
