Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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