You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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