OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
