he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry about my life...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize