Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
