why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
