She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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