I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
