dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
