I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
