I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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