I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
