She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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