1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
