You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
