Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
