I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
