Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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