"it" just moved
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
