You work out of a Hotel?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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