cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
