i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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