i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
