I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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