you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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