So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
someone owes me an orgasm
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
