apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
