the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
