I wish my penis had an off switch
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize