You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Actions speak louder than pants.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize