My sheets look like a crime scene.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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