I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We got so high we made milksteak
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
