i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
