I am puke
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize