I faked an abortion last night.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
