ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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