our cab driver is having phone sex.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize