my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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