I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
