I have demons in me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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