sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
