I'm gonna have a badass scar
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
