So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize