I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I will pee on everything he values.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
