Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
