i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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