I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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