My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
