it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
