his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
