I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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