drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
