i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
