im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
