Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
