she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
