Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Two words: blizzard sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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