i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
