My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
