So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
