I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize