Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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