we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
