His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
