I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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