Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize