Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
