I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
