I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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