do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
