so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
