I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
