is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
