Grow some girl-balls and come out already
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
