I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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