I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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