She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
