I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
