The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
