Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
