I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
