she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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