This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
