I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize