...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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