I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
