Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
