I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
