Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am one with the molecules
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
