we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
