i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
