There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize