I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm always down for nudity.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
